Moving!

I'm moving.
Nothing of course is definite. seeing as moving to Ontario has gone from "possible" to "extremely unlikely" due to B only being there for PAT and MOC training and not actually being "posted" there, needless to say I raged for a while, and than I stopped, and I started thinking "how can I turn this to my favour?, what would I do if I were single or childless?" The answer? well I would not be where I am that's for sure. so someone inside says to me "so why are you here? where do you WANT to be? what will your resources allow for?" so I find myself packing...I'm still packed from the last move (I've lived here over a year now) but over the last few days I've found myself re-arranging things and throwing stuff out. I'm back into a certain mindset that I haven't been in for over a 3 years. I'm "single" again, a sole unit acting simply for it's own benefit. I'm still with B but my mentality is shifting, I have become a single albet non-sexual woman, a single mother if you will.
So I'm moving to where I want to be, with B not here, my obligation to be here is over.

This "me" is different, she's strong, simplistic and easily enraged. which means it's not safe for me or S (my daughter) to be here.

It's time for me to go back south and test my refound strength.

The slow and wandering path to improving my life.

Every day only one thing becomes clearer- I need to fix my life. Not just for myself, I'm afraid the more bad habits I have, the more my child will pick up during her childhood.

So this is where we start.....

1. Brush my teeth and my daughters at least once a day, After two months this will simply become habit, I think just before her bath time would be a good time.

2. Have a cleaning day at least once a week, I'm not working so there's really no excuse for not putting aside one day to put my bedroom in order.

3. Get the hell off facebook. They email me for all the important things anyway.

4. Spend less time on the Internet in general.

5. Go for a walk at least four times a week.


I'll start with these and post others as they come to me or as I succeed in these.

So... good luck to me then.

well it's only 11 am and mil has succeeded in being a complete and utter bitch, so far I've been told I'm immature, stupid and a bad parent (like she has room to talk). my guy and aren't perfect, no one is, but all she's doing is making it harder for us to keep contact with this family after we leave, who in their right mind wants to even try and make nice with a tyrant?

The kitten on your doorstep.

As I type this there is a kitten on the doorstep, she's crying, and I've never felt more helpless.
I can't feed her, or else she'll stick around, I can't take her in, It's not my home.
I keep telling her to go home.
but what if she doesn't have one?
the worst part of being helpless is not being able to help others, I think......
turning into a mother has changed me in the strangest ways, I can't seem to stop myself from feeling too much for the things I cannot change.
but I ask myself, if in the future I were so financially blessed as to able to change these things , would I still want to help? or do I only wish to help because I see myself in their eyes?

hell

Bill Gates
Circle I Limbo

General asshats
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

Militant Vegans
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

Creationists
Circle IV Rolling Weights

The Pope
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

George Bush, Republicans
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

PETA Members
Circle VII Burning Sands

Scientologists
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

Parents who bring squalling brats to R-rated movies
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell

My life

Everyone has a battle they need to fight, or simply endure. My battle is...this town. Allow me to explain, My Guy and I had a child 9 months ago, and after that My Guy felt it was nesasary to move back to his home town. the problem is that his hometown has no, I repeat NO housing. So where do we live? his parents house. where we are basically treated like children, and why not? after all we failed at living on our own right? No, we didn't fail where we were, we were just too hard to fucking control when we were hundreds of miles away. So here we are in a house where I'm not allowed to raise my own child how I see fit, where I have to watch My Guy get nagged to the moon and back EVERY FUCKING DAY. The worst way to try to get someone to listen to you is to nag, when you nag people just block you out, and will keep blocking you out to protect from the mental assault of nagnagnagnagnagnagNAG!

Five more things (6-10)

6. I'm 5'3.

7. I still play with my food, ( tho it's actually more of dissection these days).

8. My I.Q. is 133.

9. I like video games, I love my snes and I'm not gonna ever give it up.

10. I hear voices. No it's not "that" bad and doesn't interfere with my life. It's just like having people talk to you or with you in the room, except they're really just not there.